Recently, I read the 30-Day Sex Challenge on Reddit in bewilderment. Clearly the authors didn’t have children. So I wrote an updated challenge for McSweeney’s that’s just for parents.
DAY 1: Entice your partner by dressing in lingerie and performing a striptease. Don’t smile too much — mysteriousness is sexy. Also, when you smile, your partner can see the mouthguard you wear every night to protect your teeth from stress-induced grinding.
DAY 2: Find a new place in the house to have sex. Since the kids can wander in at any point, steer clear of the kitchen, living room, dining room, bedrooms, bathrooms, guest room, TV room, stairway, laundry room, and attic. But there’s still the crawlspace! Oh, and that damp corner of the concrete basement that always smells like body odor.
DAY 3: Watch a Kama Sutra video to inspire a new position.While you’re at it, could you email Bella’s mom and ask her for some new snack ideas? Every day Jackson’s been coming home with his lunchbox practically untouched. He said he liked pistachios! You heard him!
DAY 3: Watch a Kama Sutra video to inspire a new position.While you’re at it, could you email Bella’s mom and ask her for some new snack ideas? Every day Jackson’s been coming home with his lunchbox practically untouched. He said he liked pistachios! You heard him!
DAY 4: Shower sex. Apply generous quantities of soap to each other’s naked bodies and enjoy the smooth sensation of — whoa, where did the non-slip bathtub stickers go? You can’t just step into a bare tub, it’s dangerous. Yes, I know Chloe’s afraid of seahorses — that’s why I bought the dolphin stickers… they’re under the sink… behind the lice shampoo. Behind. Behind. Behind. Do you not know what “behind” means? Forget it, I’ll do it, just move.
To read the rest, go to: The 30-Day Sex Challenge for Parents
