Creepy Beekeepers Need Not Apply

It's been just over a year since my short story collection was released, and as much as I'd like to reflect on the experience in depth, I've been increasingly distracted today. This morning, the battery on my bluetooth headphones abruptly died, and on impulse I decided not to take them out of my ears. Maybe I was feeling anti-social and wanted some visual buffer? Whatever the reason, I was startled to discover that when you keep headphones in but don't listen to music, it radically amplifies all of the internal sounds you normally never notice. Or put another way, for the first time I could hear all of the weird and gross noises I was making. 

Suddenly my day was full of weary little sighs, percussive grunts, effortful pug-like snorts, mall fountain stomach gurgles, and worst of all, a grotesque litany of chewing sounds. You think Dolby Surround Sound is impressive? Try eating a Chipotle chorizo burrito while wearing headphones. I sounded liked the cave troll in The Fellowship of the Ring—if he were wearing braces and had a blazing sinus infection.      

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But I digress...

Publishing the book was an incredible experience. The national tour was a lot of fun, visiting friends across the country was a treat, and I loved participating in readings... even the odd ones, like a group reading that was took place not in a brewery, as I'd expected, but in a home brewery/ amateur beekeeper supply store, where I read to listeners casually sipping pale ale while rows of stark white beekeeper suits lurked behind them. 

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Listen up

Since the book's publication, I've been hard at work on a novel. It's challenging to write a novel, particularly when your time is limited, and so I went on the Writerly podcast with the co-host and bestselling author Danielle Trussonito talk about my daily practice of micro-writing, i.e. writing for 35 minutes on the train to work every morning. 

We had such a good time (we shared a single mic, duet-style) that we decided to record a second episode about my transition from book editor to writer. Technically that's the topic, though really it's about the sometimes helpful, sometimes harmful relationship between editing and writing. (Plus, I share the one thing that, as an editor, almost guaranteed that I would reject a manuscript.)

If, after you listen to both episodes, you still want to hear more from me, here are other interviews and podcasts I've done. 

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Reading List

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Night Sky with Exit Wounds by Ocean Vuong 

Yes, I am way behind on this one, as Vuong's book of poetry came out a couple years ago, and won at least a dozen prizes, including the 2016 Whiting Award. I'm just glad I finally started it. It is staggeringly good. Warning: it's powerful and haunting, not the kind of book you can read all at once. I read a few poems a night, then lay there in a daze.

 
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Belly Up: Stories by Rita Bullwinkel

I was on a panel with Rita in the spring, just before Belly Up came out. She read one of the stories from the collection and it was so weird and brilliant, so off-putting and darkly funny, that I still think about it. The New York Times Book Review raved that the book is "full of squirmy pleasures."  

 
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Goodbye

The 30-Day Sex Challenge for Parents

Recently, I read the 30-Day Sex Challenge on Reddit in bewilderment. Clearly the authors didn’t have children. So I wrote an updated challenge for McSweeney’s that’s just for parents. 

DAY 1: Entice your partner by dressing in lingerie and performing a striptease. Don’t smile too much — mysteriousness is sexy. Also, when you smile, your partner can see the mouthguard you wear every night to protect your teeth from stress-induced grinding.

DAY 2: Find a new place in the house to have sex. Since the kids can wander in at any point, steer clear of the kitchen, living room, dining room, bedrooms, bathrooms, guest room, TV room, stairway, laundry room, and attic. But there’s still the crawlspace! Oh, and that damp corner of the concrete basement that always smells like body odor.

DAY 3: Watch a Kama Sutra video to inspire a new position.While you’re at it, could you email Bella’s mom and ask her for some new snack ideas? Every day Jackson’s been coming home with his lunchbox practically untouched. He said he liked pistachios! You heard him!

DAY 3: Watch a Kama Sutra video to inspire a new position.While you’re at it, could you email Bella’s mom and ask her for some new snack ideas? Every day Jackson’s been coming home with his lunchbox practically untouched. He said he liked pistachios! You heard him!

DAY 4: Shower sex. Apply generous quantities of soap to each other’s naked bodies and enjoy the smooth sensation of — whoa, where did the non-slip bathtub stickers go? You can’t just step into a bare tub, it’s dangerous. Yes, I know Chloe’s afraid of seahorses — that’s why I bought the dolphin stickers… they’re under the sink… behind the lice shampoo. Behind. Behind. Behind. Do you not know what “behind” means? Forget it, I’ll do it, just move.

To read the rest, go to: The 30-Day Sex Challenge for Parents